| Michael's Mistake: Eight Ways to Turn the Michael | | | | just her. Explain that you as her parents would be |
| Phelps Pot Scandal into a Valuable Teaching Moment | | | | disappointed, and her teacher's good opinion of her |
| for Your Kids | | | | would be tarnished. And if she's grounded she |
| He was a national hero that parents and kids both | | | | wouldn't be able to fulfill her commitments to her |
| loved. Now, with a compromising photo making | | | | soccer teammates and coaches. When they start to |
| headline news, parents are wondering what they | | | | think about the broad affects their choices can have, |
| should say to their kids about Michael Phelps's fall | | | | they will be more likely to stop and think more |
| from grace. Parents should not to let this great | | | | carefully about their own actions. |
| opportunity to talk with their kids pass them by. | | | | Explain that they may not be famous, but people are |
| There are many lessons we can all learn from | | | | watching them, too. As with most celebrities today, |
| Michael's big mistake. | | | | Michael Phelps has been followed by cameras and |
| By Kelly Johnson | | | | reporters on a regular basis since his enormous |
| Throughout the Olympics we heard some pretty | | | | success last summer. As it turned out, it wasn't a |
| amazing facts: His wing span is longer than his height! | | | | paparazzo's camera that caught him in a |
| His feet are like flippers! He eats over 10,000 calories | | | | compromising situation-it was a camera phone, |
| a day! He has two times the lung capacity of a | | | | presumably belonging to a peer who was attending |
| normal human! These exclamations, some more true | | | | the same party. While your son may not be facing |
| than others, were all used to help explain the | | | | paparazzi on his way to class, or have to deal with |
| superhuman feat of Michael Phelps winning eight gold | | | | media scrutiny over what he had for lunch, it's |
| medals in one Olympics, an accomplishment that | | | | important to make the case that people are |
| made him a hero to many, especially kids. But as the | | | | watching his actions, and that they can make a |
| result of one unfortunate photo, the superhuman | | | | bigger statement about who he is than anything he |
| Olympian is now having to face his very human | | | | will ever say publicly. |
| actions. | | | | Kids watch one another closely, and they notice the |
| While disgruntled parents with Phelps-loving kids might | | | | things that happen when no one else is watching. |
| want to throw him under the proverbial bus, going | | | | Explain to your son that the decisions he makes each |
| after him won't help your kids to process what is | | | | day, and the way that he carries himself at school, |
| happening to their American hero. Instead you should | | | | on the soccer field, and even at home impacts those |
| take this opportunity to teach them some valuable | | | | around him. Teach him to strive for setting a good |
| lessons about their own integrity. | | | | example at all times. Even if no one notices 99 |
| Particularly recently it has become especially hard to | | | | percent of the time, it will set him up for success |
| protect our kids from the misbehaving celebrities out | | | | when someone does take notice. |
| there. With a famous baseball player admitting to | | | | Teach your kids that it's NOT all relative. Celebrity |
| steroid use, a famous singer being accused of | | | | news is more popular than ever, and you can hardly |
| domestic violence, and of course Phelps, parents | | | | turn on the television or check out at the grocery |
| have had a lot to explain to their children recently. For | | | | store without being bombarded by the latest |
| me, Michael Phelps's behavior hits a little closer to | | | | celebrity scandal. It's unfortunate, but after seeing |
| home than that of many other celebrities because I | | | | repeated trips to rehab, allegations of steroid use and |
| think he became a national hero for the country. | | | | domestic violence, and other incidents of open drug |
| Someone, for once, that we were happy to let our | | | | use, your kids may be desensitized to news like this |
| kids idolize. | | | | and may even think it's not a big deal. When you talk |
| As we hear the news coverage and consider what | | | | to them, make sure that they understand that what |
| we would do if we were in Michael's mom's shoes, | | | | Michael Phelps did was wrong; no matter how much |
| Johnson says it's a prime opportunity to talk to your | | | | more press the A-Rod steroid scandal may be |
| kids about what happened and what we all-kids and | | | | receiving. |
| parents alike-can learn from Michael's mistake. | | | | Just because smoking pot isn't the worst celebrity |
| Let's be honest. This could have happened to any of | | | | offense out there doesn't make it any less serious. In |
| our sons. And while my first reaction would be to | | | | fact, it's sad that the bar is so low that you can |
| bring the hammer down hard, once the dust had | | | | quickly find worse offenses from celebrities. Now is |
| settled, I would want my own son to know that | | | | the time to explain to your kids that wrong is wrong: |
| there was a way to set things right. We have to | | | | If your son gets caught cheating on a test, it doesn't |
| remember that role model or not, Michael Phelps is | | | | mean he is in any less trouble just because Tommy |
| entitled to the same compassion, forgiveness, and | | | | was caught fighting at school. Teach them that the |
| encouragement we would want extended to our | | | | only offenses that matter are their own, and that |
| own kids. And I think for many parents it will be | | | | they should be their own litmus test for what's right |
| easier for us to forgive Michael if we can use him to | | | | and what's wrong. |
| teach our kids some valuable lessons about life. | | | | Remind them that admitting mistakes and apologizing |
| Read on for eight ways to maximize this teaching | | | | speaks volumes. With sponsorship deals, future |
| moment instead of letting the opportunity pass you | | | | training, and of course, his reputation all on the line, it |
| by: | | | | can be a big temptation for someone like Michael |
| Talk about the Phelps story because your kids can | | | | Phelps to want to deny the story, explain it away, or |
| relate to it. When the nightly news is made up mostly | | | | to try and fly under the radar and not comment. |
| of stories dealing with the financial crisis, the | | | | Instead, he admitted to making a bad decision on |
| hardships it is causing, and wars overseas, a story | | | | national television and he apologized. While it may not |
| about an Olympic swimmer smoking pot may seem | | | | change what happened, it's a step in the right |
| insignificant. But the Phelps story is one that your | | | | direction and it's a demonstration of humility on |
| children will more easily relate to as they will | | | | Phelps's behalf, one that speaks more to his |
| experience pressures to drink or use drugs in their | | | | character than a compromising cell phone photo ever |
| own lives. Failing to talk with them about the decision | | | | will. |
| Michael Phelps made and the ramifications it can have | | | | It's important to make sure that your kids |
| is a huge missed opportunity. | | | | understand that an apology isn't an instant fix, but it |
| As parents, we didn't mind that our kids looked up to | | | | is a necessary first step towards making things right. |
| Phelps. But now it's time for us to sit down with our | | | | If you avoid or deny the things you have done |
| kids and tell them what we don't like about the | | | | wrong, it can do further damage to your overall |
| situation and to listen to them give their opinions. It's | | | | character. Admitting your mistakes and apologizing to |
| also important that you use this opportunity to | | | | the people you've affected is the first step in |
| explain to them that Phelps is redeemable. That, sure, | | | | restoring the faith and trust they once had in you. |
| he made a mistake, but we all do and now he must | | | | And you should also remind your kids that simply |
| do what he can to make it right. | | | | apologizing does not erase their transgressions. Tell |
| Remind your kids they must separate the Michael in | | | | them they must live their apology every day by not |
| the pool from the Michael on dry land. American | | | | repeating their past mistakes. |
| consumers are nothing if not optimists, and no | | | | Remind them that everyone deserves a second |
| matter how many athletes and "heroes" have | | | | chance. Yes, Michael Phelps made a bad decision, and, |
| disappointed us in the past, we continue to hope that | | | | yes, he should have known better. That doesn't |
| the next one will live up to our expectations. Enter | | | | change the fact that, superstar swimmer or not, he's |
| Michael Phelps. We wanted to believe that the skill | | | | still human. That means he is bound to make |
| and maturity we saw in the pool was reflected in the | | | | mistakes from time to time, and he deserves the |
| young man himself. The truth is Michael Phelps is a | | | | chance to rise above. Explain to your children that |
| uniquely talented swimmer, but his superhuman | | | | just because Phelps made a mistake, it doesn't mean |
| qualities are limited to the pool. On dry land, he's no | | | | that we automatically write him off. Just as they |
| better or worse than most kids his age, and we can't | | | | should forgive a friend who has apologized for a |
| really be angry with him for that. | | | | mistake, we must allow Phelps the opportunity to |
| The trick in a situation like this one is to help your | | | | admit his mistake, to apologize, and to prove that he |
| kids to find the qualities in Phelps, or any favorite | | | | should not be defined by this one event. And even |
| athlete, that they should emulate. Talk about his drive | | | | more importantly, when it's their turn to make the |
| and dedication, or the fact that he was never a | | | | mistakes, they will want others to forgive them as |
| quitter. Tell them it's okay for them to look up to | | | | well. |
| famous athletes, so long as they don't try to be | | | | A huge part of the outcome of a crisis is determined |
| exactly like them. Identify the best qualities about | | | | not in the crisis itself, but in how you handle it. And |
| that person and explain to them that is who they | | | | this is a great opportunity to teach your kids that |
| should try to be. | | | | they shouldn't race to judgment when the people in |
| Explain that when commitments are made, things | | | | their lives make mistakes, redemption is always |
| change. As a result of his superstar status, Michael is | | | | available to those who seek it, and everyone |
| paid millions of dollars as the spokesperson for big | | | | deserves a second chance. |
| brands like Speedo, Kellogg's, and Subway. He is also | | | | If there is one truly good thing that comes from all |
| a favorite speaker at elementary schools and | | | | this, it may be the number of parents who will be |
| naturally is the most recognized face of the U.S. | | | | sitting down with their children in the coming weeks |
| Swim Team. There is nothing wrong with that. He | | | | to talk about drugs, role models, money, and fame. |
| has achieved extraordinary levels of success in his | | | | Those are tricky conversations to have and, |
| sport and he is entitled to reap the benefits that | | | | however unintentional, Michael Phelps has provided |
| come from those accomplishments. The problem lies | | | | parents with an opening. At the end of the day, I'm |
| with the responsibility he had to maintain his good | | | | confident that these conversations will stick with our |
| image and make good choices, because the brands | | | | kids longer than any fallout from Michael Phelps's |
| he represents market to adults AND children. When | | | | infamous marijuana media scandal. |
| you endorse products that are popular with kids, no | | | | # # # |
| matter what your image clause says, you have to | | | | About the Editor: |
| remember that you are presenting yourself as a role | | | | Kelly H. Johnson is an attorney, writer, and the |
| model to kids-someone they look up to and | | | | mother/stepmother of five sons and one |
| someone whose actions they imitate. Phelps should | | | | daughter. She holds a BBA from the University of |
| have thought about that. | | | | Notre Dame and a law degree from the College of |
| A great way to explain this concept to your kids is | | | | William and Mary, Marshall-Wythe School of Law. She |
| to tell them that it's no different from running for | | | | served as law clerk to the Honorable Harry L. Carrico, |
| student council at school, or joining the Girl Scouts. | | | | then Chief Justice of the Virginia Supreme Court, |
| When they become a part of a bigger organization, | | | | prior to entering private practice with the law firm |
| they immediately become a representative for that | | | | Williams, Mullen, Clark and Dobbins. She remained |
| organization, and it's their responsibility to represent | | | | there, in the firm's litigation department, until |
| the organization well. When you take on a title, or | | | | becoming a full-time mother. |
| wear a uniform, you're making a promise to that | | | | An occasional lead singer in a local rock band, Ms. |
| organization that you will represent it in a positive | | | | Johnson has written for both local and national |
| way. Through his recent actions, Phelps broke his | | | | parenting magazines including Richmond Woman |
| promise to the brands he represents, the children | | | | on-line, Memphis Parent Magazine, Charlotte Parent, V |
| he's spoken to, and the U.S. Swim Team. His actions | | | | Magazine for Women, Fifty Plus, and Family Fun. She |
| are a great way to reiterate to your children what it | | | | is a frequent contributor to the widely distributed |
| means to be trusted and what it means to have | | | | Richmond Parents Monthly, and her work appears in |
| integrity. | | | | the compilations The Imperfect Mom-Candid |
| Teach them how their decisions affect other people. | | | | Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World |
| When we make mistakes, it can be easy to forget | | | | (Doubleday), It's a Girl-Women Writers on Raising |
| that we aren't the only ones affected by the ensuing | | | | Daughters (Seal Press), and in the forthcoming Love |
| fallout. In Phelps's case his decision had far-reaching | | | | Wins (SmileyBooks). |
| ramifications. Everyone from his fans, the companies | | | | Ms. Johnson lives in Richmond, Virginia, with her |
| that sponsored him, his teammates and coaches to | | | | husband, Fred, and their children, who outnumber |
| his own mother was forced to endure the negative | | | | them three to one. |
| effects of the scandal. Talk to your kids about | | | | For more information, please visit |
| thinking before they act, and remind them that their | | | | About the Book: |
| actions can affect people outside of their inner | | | | A Better Man: True American Heroes Speak to |
| circle. | | | | Young Men on Love, Power, Pride and What It Really |
| Sit down with your kids and have them make a list | | | | Means to Be a Man (Brandylane Publishing, Spring |
| of all the people in their lives: friends, family, teachers, | | | | 2009, ISBN: 978-1-883911-84-3, $24.95) will be |
| and coaches and explain to them how their bad | | | | available at bookstores nationwide, from major online |
| decisions can negatively affect the people on their | | | | booksellers, or direct from the publisher by calling |
| list. Explain to your daughter that if she gets in | | | | 804-644-3090. |
| trouble at school, her bad choices affect more than | | | | |
