| For girls, friends mean connection and validation and | | | | solve a problem your daughter should be handling, |
| when a girl wants to hurt another, the deepest | | | | you rob her of the opportunity to learn valuable social |
| wound she can cause is to cut off that friendship. | | | | skills. You also convey that you don't believe she's |
| The technical term is called relational aggression more | | | | capable, eroding self-confidence. Instead, ask what |
| popularly known as "mean girls." Often though, the | | | | she wants to do and coach her in the skills she needs |
| mean girl was a best friend just yesterday! Relational | | | | to do it. |
| aggression is behavior that is intended to isolate or | | | | 3. Role play. If your daughter wants to talk to the |
| exclude through refusing to speak, spreading gossip, | | | | other girl, offer to role play the conversation. Don't |
| starting rumors, aggressive body language, eye rolling, | | | | tell her what to say, just allow her to think through |
| and mean stares. If you daughter is the victim, here | | | | the conversation. Give her feedback on how she's |
| are five ways you can support her: | | | | coming across and encourage her to think through |
| | | | the worst-case scenario. Remind her all conversations |
| 1. Avoid minimizing. Parents often underestimate the | | | | need to be face-to-face (no texting!) and in private. |
| depth of pain losing a friendship can cause. They | | | | 4. Encourage personal development. Girls who define |
| respond with minimizing comments like, "Just ignore | | | | themselves only by their friends fall hard if those |
| her," or "Girls will be girls." These empty platitudes do | | | | relationships falter. Help girls pursue personal interests |
| not help your daughter solve her problem and make | | | | and hobbies that they can use to build confidence. |
| her feel you don't understand, resulting in her keeping | | | | Require one hour (at least) of technology-free time |
| things from you. | | | | daily so that she's not tempted to become |
| 2. Coach, don't solve. You may be tempted to step | | | | consumed with online gossip and is forced to do |
| in and save your daughter by calling the other girl's | | | | something else. |
| parents or visiting the school. But, every time you | | | | |
